February 23, 2012

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Mastering Life Changes: How To Transition After Major Illness

February 22, 2012 By Theresa Froehlich Leave a Comment

After a patient has completed treatment for major illness, she transitions to a life that has been forever changed by this illness. There is usually very little help to guide the patient through these transitions.

Almost 10 years ago, I received radiation treatment for breast cancer. After the treatment, I was given very little information on how to care for myself so I can transition from being a patient to a survivor. Being a very proactive person, I took ownership of the transition process and did a great deal of research.
The medical community, represented by the AMA is now beginning to recognize the need to facilitate this transition. Oncologists are given incentive to prepare treatment summaries so the patient has adequate and accurate information to give to her primary physician.

In this article, my goal is to outline a few key areas that patients need to pay attention to after a major illness.

1. Crafting a plan to move from being sick to being well.

2. Creating exercise routines that enhance your wellness.

3. Mapping out some additions and deletions to your nutrition.

4. Attending to your emotional health after treatment.

5. Building a life plan for yourself.

As the medical and other communities become aware of the guidance gap for transitioning to post-treatment life, some organizations are now offering transition programs for patients. One such example is a program offered by the Singing River Health System.

I have learned from experience that I am the best advocate for my own wellness. There is a vast wealth of information available on the Internet. There are also many nutrition books and cancer survivors support groups. These resources are available for your use if you would take charge of your own progress.

What are some of your needs for transitioning to wellness? How might you go about meeting these needs? What other resources that you can tap into?

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Empty Nest Transition: 5 Ways To Overcome Depression

February 15, 2012 By Theresa Froehlich Leave a Comment

Empty nest blues are real, even though recent research shows that many parents look forward to the benefits of a childless household. One mom commented on a blogpost with these words: “I have lost the comfort of being a mom because my daughter is 17 and no longer needs me. I based my WHOLE entire being on being her mother and giving her all I had. I guess I thought we would be together forever. That is not the case. I have been downsized and laid off from almost every job I have had and now I have been let go of the most important job ever and that hurts the most.” In addition, I receive similar comments on my website and on the Facebook page I host for moms of adult children.

Empty nest depression refers to the persistent sadness triggered by the launching of young adult children. Parents feel a strong sense of loss and grief after the children leave home. Five years after my older child, and four years after my younger one, left for college, I continue to wrestle with the lingering grief. But grief is one of those strange emotions that linger and hit you when you least expect it, so we should not be surprised that it doesn’t quickly or completely disappear.

According to the research of 1000 women done by Caryn Rubenstein, author of Beyond the Mommy Years: How to Live Happily Ever After…After the Kids Leave Home, navigating the transition to empty nest gets easier if we are proactive.

I find that I can overcome more effectively when I am proactive and active. I have named five actions to overcome the empty nest blues and these have been my guiding stars each day.

• Refocus on yourself. This is not being “selfish.” You have given twenty or more years to your children. Now it’s your time. You’re doing this not only for yourself, but also for your kids because they need to see that you’re ready to let go.

• Renew your relationship with your spouse. If your conversations have been all about your offsprings, it’s time to find things to talk about that will connect with your spouse. Explore some new interests together. Why not try ballroom dancing, or gourmet cooking?

• Renew your relationships with friends and relatives. What about the 80-year old aunt you’ve always wanted to visit? How about that cousin you haven’t seen since you graduated from college? How about that high school buddy that you ran into two weeks ago?

• Explore some new roles. After investing most of your time and attention in your role as mom, you may feel like a military recruit on the battle field. Perhaps you can shift your perspective to think of yourself as the new kid on the playground. Go ahead, take your shoes off and get in the sandbox. Create your sandcastles or other structures. You make the rules and the sky is the limit.

• Pursue your self-development. Is this a good opportunity to finish your college education you had suspended to raise children? How about taking a computer class to keep up with the technology of our day? What about pursuing that doctoral program you’ve always dreamed of?

How have you overcome the empty nest blues? What has worked for you?

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Mastering Life Transitions: Leveraging the Power of Inspiring Quotes

February 8, 2012 By Theresa Froehlich 2 Comments

Life transitions are a time of change, and, often, confusion. Since the old map is no longer useful, you need a new map to show you how to get to the next destination.

This is a time when you can leverage the help of the experts who have been there. These experts could be an elder in your family, a professional counselor or life coach, or a mentor that you have a relationship with.

Another resource that can offer direction just at the right time are inspiring quotes. These quotes are insights generated by the heroes who have been farther along the road. They have learned the lessons and have distilled the insights into short and pithy sayings that can serve as road signs for those who come after them.

As I wrestled with my own tough transitions over the years, I have found solace in many quotes by famous people and in the Bible. In these quotes, I encountered the wise men and women of the ages, and I picked up their insights as tools in my toolbox. These quotes have helped me manage my emotions during challenging times and have provided me with direction when I needed it.

The following are just a few of my favorite quotes for mastering life changes.

“All misfortune is but a stepping stone to fortune.” Henry David Thoreau

“The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it.” Moliere

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it.” — Helen Keller

“We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.” Kenji Miyazawa

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in getting up every time we do.” Confucius

How have quotes helped you in the past? What are some of your favorite quotes?

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Mastering Life Transitions: Why Seek Discomfort?

February 1, 2012 By Theresa Froehlich Leave a Comment

Facing life transitions is a time of dealing with discomfort. It’s a time to set new goals, find new direction, and search for new ways to make your life work. Are you at that place where you’re feeling uncomfortable about setting and reaching goals?

In a Wired Article, Dean Karnazes shared his journey with discomfort.

Dean Karnazes was a tequila party zealot before he became a marathon superhero. On this 30th birthday in August 1992, he was a slobbering drunk barely able to hold down his vomit before he got home. When he saw the sneakers on the floor, he thought it would be a good idea to go running. He stripped down to his T-shirt and underwear, laced up his sneakers and went out to run. When he found himself in Daly City, 15 miles later, he sobered up. Looking down at his scanty clothing, he felt ridiculous but also relished a sense of exhilaration. He decided to keep running till he logged 30 miles. The light bulb went on while he was running: he has a vast, untapped reservoir within him.

Fourteen years later, Karnazes has challenged every limitation of marathon running, many of these stories have been written up in his book Ultramarathon Man: Confessions of An All-Night Runner.

• He runs 30 miles each day in 4 hours.
• He has run 350 miles without sleep.
• A few months ago, he ran 50 marathons on 50 consecutive days in each of the 50 states.
• To make time to run, he sleeps 4 hours a day.

A couple of years ago, my husband and I were launching our then-19-year old son. I asked him, “What do you want in life?” He said, “I just want to be comfortable.”

Comfort has become a highly prized core value of Western culture and we embrace this value to our own detriment. In another interview with the Outside magazine, Dean Karnazes said, “Western culture has things a little backwards right now… We equate comfort with happiness. And now we’re so comfortable we’re miserable…What I’ve found is that I’m never more alive than when I’m pushing and I’m in pain, and I’m struggling for high achievement, and in that struggle I think there’s a magic.”

In response to my son’s comment about “comfort,” I said, “When you seek comfort, you’ll find discomfort; when you seek ease, you’ll end up with dis-ease.” At the time, he didn’t understand what I meant. Now, after he has had to struggle to earn a living for 2 years, he gets a taste of what Dean Karnazes meant by the magic of the struggle.

Discomfort is a powerhouse for us who navigate transitions because:

1. Discomfort is a powerful motivator, while comfort is a powerful demotivator. Muscles that don’t get exercised atrophy; discomfort provides the environment that requires us to exercise our muscles: physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual.

2. Discomfort is often a sign of personal growth. When you’re stepping up from incompetence to competence, there will be discomfort. Just like they say, “No pain, no gain.”

3. Discomfort serves as a catalyst for growth. Without discomfort, it’s easy to slide back into what’s routine and familiar. Discomfort pushes us forward.

4. Discomfort builds the human spirit. It reveals the untapped potential within us and opens our eyes to the capabilities that have never been developed.

What are your feelings about discomfort? What experiences do you have about dealing with discomfort? How did you harness its power?
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Mastering Life Transitions: Surviving Joblessness

January 25, 2012 By Theresa Froehlich Leave a Comment

A common tough transition many people face during this economic downturn is joblessness. When unemployment rate remains high, those without work suffer a great deal of psychosocial consequences.

Professor Gordon Waddell is an internationally recognized expert in psychosocial and disability research. In “Is work good for your health and well being?” he summarized his review this way, “… long-term worthlessness is one of the greatest risks to health and society. It is more dangerous than the most dangerous jobs in the construction industry, or the North Sea, and too often we not only failed to protect our patients from long-term worthlessness, we sometimes actually pushed them into it, inadvertently…”
Until the government is able to turn the economy around, what can job seekers do?

1. Be flexible. Be willing to take lower pay and lower level jobs. At least you’ll bring home a paycheck for take care of your bills.

2. Be realistic. This is not the time to wait for your dream job. View each not-so-ideal job as a stepping stone to the ideal.

3. Be humble. I personally know some college graduates who, in their mid-fifties, are working at McDonalds. I also know an immigrant medical doctor who worked this type of jobs for several years because no options were available to him until he got better at English. This is not the time to let pride get in the driver’s seat.

4. Be involved. Jobs are often found because of networking. In a competitive job market, many jobs are not advertised in newspapers but in the networking grapevine. Get out in the community to volunteer so you’ll be in the grapevine.

5. Be hopeful. Employers will not hire depressed applicants. Look for at least one positive thing in each day and be grateful.

What have you found to be helpful when you navigate this kind of transition? What insights can you share with others?

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Mastering Life Transitions: Changing Housing Arrangements

January 18, 2012 By Theresa Froehlich Leave a Comment

One life transition that emerges with a new stage in life is the changing needs of housing.

One of the decisions my husband and I are facing is: to move or not to move. Our young adult children have been living apart from us for several years. Our house seems to have become too big for two people. We’re faced with the decision of whether to stay with the familiar, or move to a different place.

Many people would call this “downsizing,” but “downsizing” is not what most empty nest Boomers or aging couples look for. Recently, our friend Tim told us that his parents, already in their late 70’s, are moving from their condominium into a big house. Reason? They have a lot of beautiful furniture in storage for 20 years and they want a house big enough to use these pieces of furniture they miss.

In our situation, my husband and I are talking about moving because our needs have changed since we’re no longer raising children. We discover there are several key points to consider as we ponder on this decision: To move or not to move?

1. What are the needs? Smaller house and more leisure time? Proximity to community?

2. How is your night vision? Are you still able to drive at night?

3. What services and stores do you need? Grocery store? Medical offices? Your massage therapist? Department stores? Are these available and accessible in the new location?

4. What extracurricular, social, or community activities do you want to be involved in? How easily accessible are these?

5. If you and/or your spouse are still employed, how does this new location change your commute?

6. What about public transportation? If you decide to reduce your driving, can you access public transportation to get places?

7. How does this move affect your finances?

8. How long do you forsee being in this new location? Is it long enough to make the relocation worthwhile?

What are some considerations important to you when you try to decide whether or not to change your housing situation? What did you learn?

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Mastering Life Transitions: How To Steer Your Internal Dialogue

January 11, 2012 By Theresa Froehlich Leave a Comment

Internal dialogue is a common human condition. Dr. Phil McGraw said, “Your internal dialogue powerfully programs and shapes your self-concept.” We can use it to serve us, or we can allow it to destroy us.

When navigating life changes, you will most likely encounter the biggest enemy: your negative self talk. When we are going through life transitions, we face so much confusion that it is sometimes difficult to know what voices within to listen to. Even though I have been quite good at self-coaching, I’ve noticed a few times that my negative self talk was taking over. Here I would like to share a few pointers useful for steering your internal dialogue.

1. Take note of it each day. This means listening to yourself, and being mindful of your thought processes.

2. Journal about it. Writing about your internal dialogue often brings clarity.

3. Name the driving force behind each thought. Negative self talk is driven by fear. If you can name that fear or fears behind the negativity, you have already won half the battle.

4. Review your journal entries to connect the dots. Insight does not come instantly in a day. If you consistently make journal entries and review them, you will begin to see patterns and connections.

5. Recruit a friend, a mentor, or a coach to help you make sense of this internal dialogue.

How would you describe your internal dialogue? What are you doing to monitor and steer it?

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Veterans Transition To Civilian Life: How Faith Communities Can Help

January 4, 2012 By Theresa Froehlich Leave a Comment

For veterans, transitioning from military to civilian life is somewhat like moving from one continent to another. The differences are significant enough to require transitional assistance.

I am not writing this article as an expert. I don’t have a child in the military, but several of my dear friends do. I am writing as an American citizen who is convinced that our veterans deserve every kind of support they need to make a successful transition to productive life in the homeland they have so valiantly served.

The government has provided resources through their Transition Assistance Program but there are plenty more untapped resources within our communities, especially our faith communities. Kenneth Carpenter, 69, is a one-time Naval officer who served in Vietnam and decided he wasn’t cut out for a military career. After returning home, he discovered his life mission was to help people and became a Baptist minister. During his decades of ministry, he and his congregation had reached out to hundreds and thousands of needy people. Clergy leaders like Carpenter and congregations like his have the hearts and the hands to reach out to those who need guidance and support. Carpenter was recently inducted into the Veterans Hall of Fame for his work with the destitute.

Last year, I received a message from a military coordinator whose job was to connect veterans preparing for civilian life with community resources. I was contacted because of my life coaching skills. I can imagine our home church, with its vast resources and talents, partnering with the local military authorities to connect those with resources to the veterans seeking those resources.

One of the most important dimensions of military life that veterans miss, once they step back into civilian life, is the camaraderie and the community. Perhaps the faith communities can at least provide this to the needy, the friendless, and the lonely.

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Mastering Life Transitions: What’s Worth Fighting For?

December 28, 2011 By Theresa Froehlich Leave a Comment

When navigating life transitions, one of the biggest questions is: what is worth fighting for?

On Friday, December 23, 2011, Christopher Sullivan, a 22-year-old soldier on leave from the Army, was shot in the neck at his own homecoming party. He is paralyzed from the neck down and remains in critical condition. An argument over football broke out between his 16-year-old brother and another young man. When the argument became heated, Sullivan stepped in. The other young man pulled out a gun and fired three shots, two of which hit Sullivan.

Christopher Sullivan had survived a suicide bombing in Afghanistan and was awarded a purple heart. He suffered a cracked collar bone and brain damage, and has been in recovery at a hospital in Kentucky before returning home for the holidays.

The story prompts one to ask the question: what is worth fighting for? When we’re navigating life transitions, it is difficult to see through the chaos and confusion. One has to be discerning and knows what really matters because every choice in life has a cost.

Navigating life transitions is commonplace during adult years, and I am no exception. I have been through relocations, professional changes, and becoming an empty nest parent. When I am trying to find my way through the changes, I need to know what questions to ask so I know what is worth fighting for.

The following are three questions we can ask ourselves as we make our choices during times of transition, so we will choose carefully and mindfully.

1. What value will these choices add to my life? What opportunities will the choices create for bettering my life?

2. What will these choices cost me? Cost can be financial, emotional, and relational.

3. How will these choices impact my relationships? Every choice has an impact on the people around me. I am not an island. I must weigh the impact on those people closest to me.

What might be some other questions you ask yourself when you’re making choices? What did you learn by answering those questions?

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Navigating Life Transitions: Revise Your Life Plan

December 21, 2011 By Theresa Froehlich Leave a Comment

Life transitions come in a package that includes surprises. The surprises aren’t always pleasant or welcome, but they are changes we have to accept and deal with.

Creating a life plan is a good thing, and it provides a kind of compass for living. However, life circumstances don’t always work out the way our plan assumes. Somewhere along the way, we have to revise our life plans.

I am one of these people who like to plan my life since a very young age. At age 15, I had chosen hotel management as my career. I had also made other plans throughout the years: plans for education, career, and family. Many of my dreams have been achieved through God’s grace and my own dedication. Similarly, many of my dreams were shattered along the way. To move forward with my life I had to revise my life plan. Through all these changes, I have learned a few important lessons.

1. Life is not a formula. When I created my life plan I was convinced that if I did all the right things, then I would get the results. Real life experience showed me that life is not formulaic.

2. Shattered dreams should not define me. Failures, mistakes, and shattered dreams are teachers. They teach me what I need to learn to move forward to the next phase, but they should not define me.

3. God has given me legs to stand up after I fall. Every fall is an experience that will toughen my mind and strengthen my emotions. God has given me those strong legs so I can stand up after I fall.

4. Failure is a stepping stone to success. This stepping stone is often a necessary stepping stone.

5. Revising my life plan requires me to grieve for the losses. Surprises and obstacles cause disappointments and losses. Grieving for the losses will set us free to move forward. So don’t cling to the old life plan.

What kind of life plan do you have? What kinds of surprises have you come across? How are you revising your life plan? What did you learn from the experience?

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