February 23, 2012

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Why I Am Cutting Back On Blogging

I have been blogging daily for two years. It has been very satisfying to share my knowledge and connect with you. Some of you have communicated with me from time to time to let me know how my blogposts have made a difference in your lives. At times, the articles were published at the very time you needed them. For this, I am very grateful.

As you might have gathered from my writing that I have explored a number of things since I became an empty nest mom. As my life continues to evolve, my menu of activities also grows. I am beginning to do more speaking at retreats, conferences and conventions. As professional speaking begins to move in the front seat, I have had to re-evaluate my time commitments.

After much thought and agony, I decided to cut back on my blogging. I will continue to blog weekly on the topics of parenting, life transitions, and spirituality. These articles will be published on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, respectively, as they have always been. Periodically I may still write about intercultural relationships and Asian American leadership but these articles will not be published on a regular schedule.

You can still stay connected with me through my Facebook page or on Twitter. Just click on the Facebook or Twitter buttons on the home page of this website and sign up.

Thank you very much for your interest and I hope you will stay connected.

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Leading Is Loving

Lately there has been much talk in the business arena about “loving leadership.” After decades of using the military model of leadership in the corporate world, where the one on top rules the one below just because of the superior’s position, people are now waking up to the human spirit.

Human beings are motivated by love. At a recent professional seminar, a middle manager said, “My boss loves me and wants my best. I would do anything for him. If he tells me to jump off the Empire State Building, I’d do it.”

Since my husband became the chief executive in his office, he has learned one important lesson: to be effective as a leader, he has to communicate his love for his people.

So how does a leader cultivate this love for the people he leads?

1. Remember that at one time you were where your followers are. You didn’t get to this leadership position overnight. You stumbled and made mistakes when you were inexperienced. Reach out to calm your followers and empower them.

2. Affirm your followers for every achievement, no matter how small. People thrive on affirmations because they are encouraged to do more and try harder. Be generous in your encouraging words.

3. Make it your highest priority to develop your followers into leaders. Your leadership job has many facets, but the most important is developing your followers into leaders. People are happier if they have opportunities for personal development.

4. Sit down with your followers to listen to their dreams. Your followers have dreams which usually represent their passions. As you listen to them, you may discover special abilities you may be unaware of. If you can help your followers tailor their job descriptions to their dreams, passions, and gifts, you’ll have followers who will give their utmost best.

5. Show concern for your followers as total persons, including their loved ones. Workers who come into your office are not just production machines. They’re human beings, with family relationships, worries and anxieties, ambitions and disappointments. If you take care of them as whole persons, they’ll be forever loyal to you and will give of their best. Recently a young professional woman became very ill. Her boss not only visited her in the hospital but also brought her home-cooked food.

What place does love have in your workplace? How might you cultivate your ability to show love to your followers?

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Asian Americans: How To Feel Like We Matter In A White-Majority World?

Asian-Americans, like other non-white Americans, are hyphenated Americans. I often wonder why we need secondary identifiers. Perhaps this illustrates the perception that Asian Americans are only half-way through to the destination of Americanization.

Mind you! As long as America has a white majority, Americanness is defined by whiteness. No matter how hard we try, Asian-Americans will never become white.

On a day-to-day basis, what I care is not my appearance. I know I will never get blue eyes even if I have eye surgery. What I care is how I feel about myself, my Asian identity, and my acceptance of this identity as good and positive.

This is a daily struggle since I am a lonely minority voice in a white majority world since I mingle with mostly white folk. Recently, I figured out a few things I can do to feel that I as an Asian person matter.

1. Become part of an Asian organization. This could be a professional organization or a religious group. You need to be around people like you so you don’t need to feel you have to change yourself to fit in.

2. Celebrate your ethnic festivals. Why not celebrate Harvest Moon Festival? You don’t have to give up Chinese New Year celebrations for Christmas? Why not celebrate both?

3. Affirm other Asian cultures besides your own. This reminds me the world is much bigger than the dichotomy between white and black, or between white and non-white.

4. Travel to Asian countries. When you are in Asia, you don’t need to convince yourself or other Asians that it’s all right to look and act Asian. You just are Asian.

5. Build some friendships with Asians. They don’t need to be from the same Asian country, but the Asian affinity will give you the sense of being connected and empowered.

What are your feelings about being hyphenated Americans? What can you do to feel you matter in a white-majority world?

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Asian American Professionals: What If I Think I’m Not A Born Leader?

Asian Americans tend to adhere to their cultural heritage of deferring to others to show respect and consideration for other people, and to demonstrate their own humility. This, among many factors, explains why many Asian American professionals in the workplace of corporate America do not volunteer to lead because they are trained to let others be number one.

An interesting belief, though misguided, that grows out of this is also the tendency to assume that someone else is a better leader than me. I frequently hear Asian Americans, no matter what age, say, “I am not a leader!” This implies that leaders are born, not made.

This belief cannot be farther from the truth. In reality, we are leading every day and all the time. An older brother counseling a brother sibling is engaged in leadership; a boy scout showing a new recruit how to fold a flag is leading. If leadership is defined as the ability to influence others so together we can accomplish a goal none of us individually can, then every person on earth has the ability to lead. The key is turning ability into capability, and turning potentiality into reality. How do we make this happen?

1. Take advantage of leadership training. Avail yourself of training opportunities such as workshops, seminars, classes and conferences.

2. Take on responsibility. When you step out of your comfort zone to take on new responsibilities, you are leading yourself and others who follow.

3. Study the best practices of other leaders. History is filled with powerful and effective leaders. Study their best practices and understand the causes of their effectiveness.

4. Read books on leadership. Get your hands on books to teach yourself about people leadership.

5. Learn to evaluate your skills. When you can accurately and honestly evaluate yourself, you will know where you are developing well and what areas still need improvement.

6. Learn to affirm yourself for progress. No one is a perfect leader. We might make mistakes which then become teachable moments. Each mistake is a stepping stone to personal growth. Affirm yourself for the progress you have made rather than beating yourself up for the long journey you still have to make.

7. Seek out a mentor or coach. Leadership is often caught. If you surround yourself with good mentors and coaches, you’ll learn from them. You will also stay committed because there is accountability.

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Leadership: Maintaining Balance In Relationship

Leadership is about relationships, and leaders are most effective when we relate to and maintain positive connections with the most important people in our lives. Maintaining balance in leadership is ultimately about balancing various relationships.

The first relationship is your inward relationship. This is your relationship to the self. Do you accept your strengths as well as the areas where you need to improve? Do you value yourself as a human being and as someone created by God with a purpose? When you make mistakes, do you judge and condemn yourself, or do you admit the mistake, correct it and move forward? What are you doing to have fun? What are you doing to care for your health?

The second set of relationships is your outward relationships. This includes your relationships with family, friends, and co-workers. Are you investing time and energy in these relationships? Are you relating in a way that builds trust? Are you meeting their needs? Are they meeting your needs? Are you setting healthy boundaries in these relationships?

The third set of relationships is your upward relationships. This includes your relationships with supervisors, shareholders, and God himself. Do you honor and support your supervisor? Do you communicate effectively with your supervisor? Do you have a relationship with God?

The fourth set of relationships is your downward relationships. This includes relationships with those under your supervision, your children, and others you lead in civic and community organizations. Are you leading these individuals in honorable, caring, and productive ways? Are you developing these individuals into more than what they are now?

What score would you give yourself in these four areas of relationships, on a scale of 100% with 100% being excellent? What would you do to improve your score during the next few months?

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Asian Americans and Other Minorities: How Did They Fare In The Recession?

How have Asian Americans fared in this economic downturn? According to a Pew Research study (July 26, 2011), the wealth gap between whites and other minorities is widening. And Asians are not exempted.

In 2005, the median wealth (assets less debts) of Asian households was higher than the median wealth of white households. In 2009, Asians lost the top place in the wealth hierarchy. The average net worth of Asian households dropped from $168,105 in 2005 to $78,066 in 2009, a sizeable drop of 54%. Since the Asian American population is concentrated in California, where the housing meltdown pushed prices down, Asian households have seen their home values dwindle rapidly.

Asians constitute 5% of the American population. The two biggest minority groups, the Blacks and the Hispanics, have seen the widening wealth chasm to a greater degree. Between 2005 and 2009, the decline in median wealth was 66% among Hispanics households, 53% among Black households, and 16% among whites.

This widening wealth gap should concern all Americans, regardless of racial backgrounds. The more a society is able to equalize wealth, the less likely we are susceptible to social problems. As citizens of the United States, perhaps we need to ask, “What can I do about this?”

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Leadership: Effective Interviewing Of Job Candidates

Leadership, among many things, is selecting the right kind of followers. In his book From Good To Great, Jim Collins writes about Level 5 leadership and getting the right people on your bus. The bus will not go anywhere or get very far unless you have the right people on board.

Amazingly, very few hiring managers in business leadership positions know how to pick the right kind of job applicants to fill their job vacancies. When square pegs are pushed into round holes, the workers will not stay with their jobs very long. High turnover has by far been one of the greatest costs to business corporations.

When I first graduated from business school, I got into Accounting believing that was the field where I would find employment. I found a very well-paid accounting position with a large corporation, but I felt l was a square peg in a round hole. Thankfully, I had enough honesty to quit the accounting career right after I became certified.

My husband is the leader in his workplace. Each day he deals with personnel issues that stem from the fact that square pegs have been hired to fit into round holes. The same has happened all over the country and the world.

Is there a way for human resources managers and hiring managers to assess the job applicants so square pegs will fit into square holes? Soon becoming available is the groundbreaking book of Dr. Orv Owens, nationally known author and speaker, titled Square Pegs in Square Holes. This book, along with the accompanying two-day seminars, will teach hiring managers how to detect the motivations, strengths, and personality so you can select the right people to get on your bus.

For more information on Dr. Owens’ seminars, please visit http://www.orvowensllc.com

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Asian American Professionals: Small Talk As Staircase To Success

Asian Americans can augment their chances for promotion by developing their skills at small talk.

Asian American professionals, as a group, tend to focus on executing tasks in the workplace and do not invest time in relationship-building by doing small talk. This is often perceived by Caucasian supervisors as lack of leadership potential. This perception, though often considered cultural misunderstanding, does send Asian American professionals a message that they need to change if they wish to correct the perception.

Leadership is ultimately about managing relationships well. Unless a leader knows how to build relationships through small talk, he or she will always have to depend on positional authority to lead. Positional authority will not take the leader very far. On the other hand, if a leader is effective in relationship-building, he will be able to exercise influence over his followers who are then self-motivated to generate great results.

At the recent convention of National Association of Asian American Professionals, some participants ask: “I’m not good at doing small talk. How do I start?” Here are some steps you can take to start.

1. Read Dale Carnegie’s classic “How To Win Friends and Influence People.” Read it and highlight it. Read it again every year.

2. Find a few safe social situations to practice what Carnegie suggested.

3. Prepare a few stock questions to ask people in those situations. For example, “Where do you live?” “What do you do for fun on weekends?” “Who are in your family?”

4. Take note of your eye contact when you talk to people. Maintain eye contact without glaring or staring.

5. Listen well. Acknowledge you hear what the other person is saying with a nod and a smile. When the person has finished talking, briefly summarize what you have heard.

6. Empathize with the emotions. Try to empathize with how the person feels. “Your mother has been sick and is very frail. That must feel heavy on your heart!”

7. Don’t censor yourself because you’re afraid of making mistakes. If you communicate interest and genuine empathy, people will appreciate it even if you may not use the exact words or if you speak with a foreign accent.

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Asian American Professionals: Are We Making Leaders?

Asian Americans are one of the fast-growing minority groups in the United States. In the state of California, Asians are the fastest growing group of all.

This demographic trend has implications for not only Americans of Asian descent, but also for all Americans.

Up until now, a very small percentage of Asian Americans occupy positions of leadership in government, business corporations and not-for-profit organizations. This vast pool of talent is not being utilized to optimize the performance of businesses and other institutions in the United States and in the world.

As an Asian American professional who has encountered the bamboo ceiling during my long stay in America, in spite of my effective enculturation through mastery of the language and culture, I have reflected on the reasons why America needs more Asians to be in leadership.

1. America needs government leaders who equitably represent our people. If the percentages of Asians are rising, these voters and taxpayers need to be represented.

2. Businesses need to incorporate diversity in their workforce to enhance their creativity.

3. As a nation, America must sharpen its competitive edge by tapping into the cultural expertise of the Asian Americans. A big portion of the consumers market is now located in Asia. We need business and government leaders who demonstrate cultural and linguistic expertise.

4. The new generation of Americans, regardless of ethnic heritage, need to see that America is living up to its ideal of “liberty and justice for all.”

5. Lifting up Asians as leaders in the corridors of power gives our younger generation hope that they too may one day rise to be CEOs, congressmen, and managers.

In order to prepare for the twenty-first century, we must take a long and hard look at our education system, our corporate structures, and our parenting styles, and ask ourselves this question: are we making leaders?

Recently I spoke at the National Association of Asian American Professionals (NAAAP) Convention in Boston. More than 600 Asian professionals gathered, peppered with a small number from other continents, to learn, to encourage, and to mobilize for the very purpose of making leaders. For more information about NAAAP, please visit http://www.NAAAP.org

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Asian American Leadership: Time Budget For Priority Management

Time management is a ongoing challenge we all struggle with. The folowing scenario is common.

It’s already noon! All I’ve accomplished so far is a rather short list: answering emails, tweets and phone calls.

Communication and social media networking are both important priorities, but, so often, important priorities become the urgent ones screaming for my attention. At the back of my mind, I tell myself there is a whole list of other priorities, priorities that will not scream at me but are crucial for accomplishing my final goal. There is no smart phone chime announcing a Tweet or a laptop bell notifying me a new email is in my box. As my fingers compulsively open a piece of new email or look up a new contact on Twitter, the clock continues to tick. At noon, I turn into a pumpkin, crushed to pieces.

As a life coach, writer, and speaker, I don’t have corporate structures to hold me accountable or team members to bug me about deadlines. Many of you who work independently can relate to this. It is easy to indulge (sometimes intentionally and sometimes not) in urgent priorities or pet projects. The result is that important priorities fall by the wayside and we are not able to get closer to our destination.
Last week, when I woke up to the fact that I still had not attended to some of my other essential activities, I acted to take control of the situation. I created a time budget (a technique I used when homeschooling our children) to monitor the mix of activities I spend time on. The process involves several simple steps and will yield a compass for navigating or a steering wheel for course correction.

1. Create a master list of activities. Be as exhaustive as possible. Sometimes an insignificant activity can take up a great deal of your time. For example, one of my clients, also a solopreneur, gets phone calls from her father and friends every day. Her phone calls often turn into lunch appointments. Before she knows it, half of her day is gone. If this kind of activities is important to you, they need to be a budget line item.

2. Lump and clump the activities into broad categories. Try to create no more than five to ten categories because batching becomes difficult when you have too many categories. In my case, I have categories such as “creative,” “administrative,” “social media networking,” “offline networking,” “research,” and “continuing learning.” I also include a non-negotiable category called “self-care,” a time to rest, reflect, and reconnect with God.

3. Make a Master List of activities, applying the categories created in Step 2. Using my situation as an example, I list reading, learning about technology and others under “continuing learning.” When you have completed this Master List, you will have a directory of activities under broad headings.

4. Prepare a blank schedule. I use the Table feature in Microsoft Word to create a schedule that includes seven days of the week, broken down into 30-minute time slots. Your day begins at the time you usually get up and the time you go to bed. (Don’t forget to budget time for eating and sleeping!)

5. Begin putting the categories into your schedule. Once the broad categories are on the schedule, plot the specific activities into the schedule as well.

6. Step back and ask the question: is this mix of activities going to get me to my destination?

7. Review and revise the schedule each week if the need arises.

What are the major categories of activities you spend time on? If you were to change one thing to improve your monitoring of your time use, what might that be?

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