Transitioning through an empty nest is tough for parents, especially for empty nest moms. All the emotions that come with emptying the nest are magnified during the holidays.
Mom has been used to having the family together – all the children at the table, with turkey, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie and all the trimmings. Mom has been wondering if their 25-year-old son and 22-year-old daughter could join them. The week before Thanksgiving, Mom got an e-mail from the son saying that he is delayed from returning to the United States; the 22-year-old daughter called and said she could not get away from work during the holidays. Mom is left with just her husband to celebrate Thanksgiving with.
This kind of loss is not a small loss by any means. For mothers, family togetherness has been something they have worked for and continue to long for. My husband and I are still celebrating Thanksgiving with our two children who live in the same city, but we don’t know how long we will be able to enjoy this togetherness. I find myself coaching myself to plan a strategy to cope with the holiday blues as an empty nest mom.
1. Grieve for the loss. What you have lost is that togetherness you have known. Losing this family togetherness brings sorrow, and it’s important, and healthy, that you allow yourself to grieve.
2. Find ways to connect with your children even though you cannot sit at the same table for dinner. This could be a phone call or a few text messages.
3. Seek out individuals who do not have family and invite them to join you. There are many single people, international students, and, sometimes, married couples, who don’t have family to celebrate the holidays with and would appreciate an invitation.
4. Redefine the meaning of family. As you include others who are not your biological family in your holiday celebration, you’ll realize that family extends much farther out to the human family. It’s no longer just about you and your children.
How do you plan to celebrate the holidays this year? How might you handle the absence of your children? What are some things you can do to bring meaning to your holiday celebration?
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This year, for the first time, we found ourselves utterly alone for Thanksgiving. I thought it might be rough because our oldest son died this year and our other 3 kids live far away and worked on Thanksgiving. We usually invite others to our Thanksgiving but this year there was no one without somewhere to go.
There were some sad moments and the grieving happened but then we made it about us.
We decided on chicken instead of turkey, dressing, cranberry salad, dinner rolls and gravy plus a store bought kahlua cream pie! I ate pie as I got the chicken ready to roast and again after dinner. We went out and looked for deer and other wildlife. We watched The Lord of the Rings and The Two Towers – the extended versions! We cleaned up the kitchen together. We fed our animals “special” dinners. It was actually a very nice day.
We even gave Thanks. : )
Hi Sis,
It seems that you and your husband have grateful hearts to begin with. This attitude of gratitude has really made a difference in how you see your first Thanksgiving alone. And you did just the right thing to make the Thanksgiving to be about you. After all, you have spent years, as parents, to do things FOR kids.
This Thanksgiving, my husband and I invited more than 20 visiting scholars and international students to celebrate with us. They were all so thrilled and appreciative since they don’t have family in the country. Our daughter joined us and actually had fun chatting with the students. I suppose our definition of family can adapt to our circumstances, and I can reach out and bless others with family when my kids are grown and flown.
Coach Theresa